Many people feel they do not receive the support they need when grieving the loss of a loved one. They often find that others simply do not know how to help. As a result, they hear things like, “Don’t hesitate if there’s anything I can do,” “Take care of yourself,” or “I’m here if you need anything.” Yet these words are often of little help. Much like a wounded animal, people naturally tend to withdraw when they are hurting. Words without concrete actions are therefore rarely enough when someone needs support and comfort.
Beyond Words…
Here are some examples of concrete ways to help: calling to check in, ask how the person is doing, and listen; preparing and delivering a meal; inviting them to a cultural or recreational activity; offering to babysit for an evening or drive the children to their extracurricular activities; helping with household chores or outdoor maintenance; and so on.
Some people feel helpless or uncomfortable when they are around someone who is highly emotional, so they may choose to avoid them. Others may not fully understand the impact of a significant loss. This is often the case for people who have not yet experienced a major bereavement themselves.
Be Clear
To receive the kind of help you need, try to be more specific in your requests and clearly express your needs, as well as the type of support you would find helpful. Inevitably, grief also reveals each person’s strengths and limitations.
Keep in mind, however, that help sometimes comes in a different form than you expected.
By Josée Jacques, Psychologist
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