When the time comes to plan a funeral, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by the number of decisions involved. You may find yourself reflecting on what you want to experience, what you want others to experience, and hoping your choices will provide the support everyone needs.
Some decisions come with additional costs, while others may involve arrangements that feel uncomfortable—or even spark disagreement. Talking things through as a family helps deepen your thinking, clarify the reasons behind your choices, and distinguish what truly matters from what is less essential.
Since there is no second chance with an event like this, it’s worth taking the time together to determine what best meets everyone’s needs.
Key Elements to Consider When Planning a Funeral
Burial (Interment)
Burial remains a common choice. For many, having a gravesite to visit and reflect is important. Choosing a headstone and engraving an epitaph are meaningful ways to express attachment to the deceased and honour their life.
However, attending the burial itself can be emotionally intense. Some families choose not to be present at the cemetery for this step. While difficult, it can also provide an opportunity to accompany your loved one to their final resting place.
Cremation
Cremation raises questions about what to do with the ashes. There are several options: burial, placement in a columbarium, keeping them at home, dividing them into keepsakes for family members, or scattering them.
Cremation may take place before or after the funeral, depending on whether the service is held with the body or the urn. In some cases, the final disposition of the ashes happens later.
Families are generally not encouraged to attend the cremation itself. However, when the ashes are buried or placed in a columbarium, a small ceremony is often held for loved ones.
Funeral Service in a Church
Although religious practice—especially within the Catholic tradition—has declined in Québec, many people still choose to hold funerals in their parish church.
A Catholic funeral mass with Eucharist includes a homily that connects the Word of God to the life of the deceased. These services aim to entrust the departed to God and renew faith in resurrection. Music and hymns are typically part of the ceremony.
Ceremony in a Chapel
Many funeral cooperatives now offer on-site chapels or gathering spaces. This responds to those who prefer not to have a church service or who wish to keep everything in one location.
These ceremonies can be led by a celebrant (religious or secular) and may include music or songs.
The Casket or Urn
Today’s options are more varied than ever, with choices available for all budgets. Even if you already have a preference, it’s wise to review what’s available before deciding.
Some cooperatives offer casket rental for families who want a viewing but have chosen cremation, which can help reduce costs.
Viewing (Body or Urn)
Funeral homes provide spaces designed for gathering in the presence of the body or urn. These environments encourage connection and emotional expression.
While this stage can be difficult, it plays an important role in the grieving process—strengthening bonds among loved ones and offering support. Many meaningful rituals are tied to this moment.
Embalming
If there is a viewing of the body, embalming is required by law. A trained professional carries out this process with care and respect.
Using a recent photo as reference, they work to restore the person’s appearance, allowing loved ones to recognize them and say a final goodbye.
Hearse and Family Transportation
A hearse is typically used to transport the deceased from the funeral home to the church and/or cemetery. Some families also choose to travel together in a single vehicle.
The funeral procession is a symbolic final journey, often representing the deceased’s last passage through the community. In some cases, it may pass by a meaningful location, such as the person’s home.
Pallbearers
Family members sometimes wish to carry the casket as a final gesture of love. However, this requires six people and a certain level of physical strength.
Funeral cooperatives can provide pallbearers if needed. When services are held in one location, the casket may simply be moved on a rolling bier, allowing family members to accompany it more easily.
Obituary Notice
Today, death announcements are shared through newspapers, community TV, and online platforms. Beyond providing information, they reflect a sense of social solidarity.
A recent photo is usually requested, and the funeral cooperative can assist in writing the notice.
Flowers and Donations
While many people now suggest donations to charities or foundations, offering flowers remains a meaningful tradition. A floral arrangement (often reserved for immediate family) accompanies the deceased throughout the funeral service. At the end, individual flowers may be given to family members as keepsakes. Flowers can also be placed in or on the casket, near the urn, or at the cemetery. Having no flowers or greenery at all can sometimes make the setting feel austere or empty.
Reception After the Service
The post-funeral gathering is sometimes seen as an added expense, but it plays an important role. It allows people to come together in a more relaxed setting, share memories, and support one another. Whether it’s a simple snack or a full meal, this moment helps bring people together and build strength for the days ahead.
Other elements you may wish to plan include:
- Readings or prayers
- Music
- Photos
- Clothing for the deceased
- Personal touches, such as:
- Memorial bookmarks
- Candles with photos
- Meaningful rituals
- Thank-you cards
Planning a funeral is a process best done as a family. It helps ensure that what is chosen is meaningful for everyone involved. Professionals at your local funeral cooperative can provide valuable guidance—don’t hesitate to consult them. Their expertise can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions.
Text : Maryse Dubé
Originally published in Profil magazine - Fall 2008