Grieving a Suicide Loss

The death of a loved one is always a painful event that takes time to accept. It can be even more difficult when the person has died by suicide. The painful emotions that bereaved individuals commonly experience are often intensified by additional challenges that are unique to suicide loss.

The stigma surrounding suicide is often the first challenge. While people are generally reluctant to speak openly about death, it can be even more difficult to talk about a death by suicide. As a result, those grieving the loss of someone who died by suicide may find it harder to express their pain and distress, which can intensify their suffering. Yet isolation and silence are two of the greatest barriers to healthy grieving and healing.

People who have lost a loved one to suicide should not hesitate to speak openly about their thoughts and feelings with those close to them. Family members and friends may simply feel too uncomfortable or unsure to bring up the subject themselves. They do not need to be trained counsellors to provide support. Often, the most helpful thing they can do is listen with compassion, giving the bereaved person a safe space to express and release their overwhelming emotions.

At times, a bereaved person may say things that are difficult to understand. They may express anger toward the person who died, toward God, or toward anyone they believe "could have done something," including themselves. In these moments, it is important to focus on the needs and emotions being expressed rather than passing judgment. Simply allowing the person to express their frustration can be an important part of the grieving process. In time, those intense feelings will often begin to ease.

The most helpful approach is to practise active listening rather than feeling the need to have answers to every question. It is also best to avoid relying on empty reassurances or clichés such as, "Life goes on," or "You need to move on." In the same way, oversimplified explanations for suicide should be avoided, as should any judgment of the person who died or of their decision to end their life.

A more supportive way to offer comfort is to reassure the bereaved person of your unwavering friendship and your willingness to be there as they cope with their loss. At the same time, someone providing support can encourage a person grieving a suicide loss to seek professional help if they appear to be sinking into depression or if they show signs that they may be thinking about ending their own life.

Feelings of guilt are another factor that can make suicide loss especially difficult for those left behind. Some people find themselves wondering whether the death could have been prevented. On this point, mental health professionals are clear: the decision to end one's life belongs to the individual alone, and no one else should be held responsible for that choice.

Healing after a suicide loss often takes longer than grieving other types of death. Simply accepting that this is a normal part of the process can be an important first step toward healing.